I’ve spent my life playing 2nd best...

I was a people pleaser as a child and as a teen.

I’ve been a people pleaser as an adult. 

I’ve often felt like I’m not “good enough”.

And I’ve spent much of my life covering it up by doing all I can to look confident on the outside, whilst feeling deeply vulnerable, questioning myself on the inside.

I’ve spent my life playing 2nd best, craving to be the best at whatever I could.

I immersed myself into learning and knowledge as my strategy to feel worthy. 

My approach was very much learning by doing, learning by failing, learning from others and learning by myself. I’m here because I’m always learning.

I’ve always wanted to be more, more than 2nd best, more than average, more as a female indian leader, more as a wife and mum.

I relentlessly worked hard in isolation, trying to figure everything out by myself, and always cautious to keep everything bottled up within. I didn’t want to be found out. I didn’t want people to know what was truly going on for me from within.

Meanwhile, I was always busy helping others, being the voice of reason, being the peacemaker, being the go to person when there was an issue to solve, being the person with rationale level headed thinking and bringing calm to chaos. And feeling exhausted, that I didn’t have much capacity for myself.

I have such high expectations of myself, high expectations of what I could and should achieve in the roles I fufill. 

But each time I achieve my next level of success, I barely allow a moment of celebration, before my inner critque kicks in, thinking I could have done better, bigger, bolder…Then, before I know it, I’m off to pursue the next thing for someone else, because I’m really good at putting other’s people’s needs ahead of my own.

I can be so hard on myself, feeling like I’m not good enough, like I could have done better, I should have done better, that sometimes even I wouldn’t want to be my own friend. 

I’m scared of what people will think of me, I’m scared of being negatively judged by others, I’m scared of failing, I’m scared of getting it wrong, I’m scared of making a foul out of myself, I’m scared I’ll expose myself, I’m scared people will find out I’m an imposter.

That’s all coming from a place of deep inner fear.

Because I care so much about what everyone else might think – there’s often no space left for what I think, what I want, what I need. 

With all this self inflicted fear swimming inside me, over time with lots of deep reflection, self awareness and learning, I’ve realised something.

I’ve realised that fears are ok, fears are normal, fears are natural, fears are being human, fears are always there, fears make me who I am.

Then, if fears make me who I am, I should dance with them, I should lean into them, I should feel them.

I was scared to write this article.

But here I am writing and sharing from a place of fear, but also from a place of fuelling my fears.

Because what matters is to me is that I spend my time, effort and energy in this lifetime, serving from my heart, serving with everything I have, serving any leader who needs to hear this to take inspired action for themselves.

Today, I continue to be afraid.

Today, I allow my fears to fuel me.

Today, I’m doing my best to be my best.

Today, I know I control of my thoughts, feelings and actions.

Today, I believe in my clients and fearlessly coach them.

Today, I serve (not please!) leaders to take inspired action for themselves to BE MORE!

I believe extraordinary leaders create time, effort and energy to be their extraordinary self.

Extraordinary leaders are willing to ask for help. They readily admit that don’t know everything (and nor should they), and are quick to seek out support and guidance.

Extraordinary leaders fearlessly create certainty in uncertain times.

WORK ON YOUR INNER GAME TO ACHIEVE YOUR OUTER RESULTS.

It’s not comfortable.

It’s not easy.

It often brings me to my knees.

It takes consistent time, effort and energy.

BUT, it’s my path.

I’m showing up as the best of me.

Are you?

All my best

Nemisha

P.S. In the words of Ghandi, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others”. Work with me one on one to explore what you can find out through your fears. Drop me a messgae and let’s talk, you. 

LinkedIn: Nemisha Patel Owen

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